2014

This past year has been one big crazy blur. It was the first year (since I started school) that I haven’t gone to school. The first year I got a  real gob. The year I got my lisence. The year I saw my first broadway show! The year I went to NYC for the first time. My first car!! Over all I would call it a successful year, but reflecting on where I thought I’d be at this time in 2013 makes me cry because I’m no where near where I should be. Yes I got my GED this year but I have still yet to start college. Yes I have a steady full time job but I cry almost every day after work. I’ve made huge strides in my depression and anxiety but I still have bad thoughts and I still get physically sick about most social gatherings among other things. I’m not where I’d thought I’d be and I have no plan to get there. Everyone tells me it’s okay not to have a plan yet “you’re young, you have time to figure it out.” Well it’s been a year and I haven’t figured shit out. I feel like I’m watching all of my friends and families lives come together and I’m just sitting here watching because I don’t have the funds or the time to get my shit together and it sucks. I don’t like to be so negative in my posts, but I just am so frustrated with myself for letting this happen. I have so many good 2014 memories that far outweigh the bad, but all I can think about in this final day of the year is all the bs. I feel as if every ounce of anger and frustration and sorrow that I’ve kept bottled up is finally exploding and I feel as if I’m stuck in purgatory. My life has become purgatory. But I don’t want to end on the negatives so now let’s look at all the positive thing that have happened this year. Equal Squeeze finally played WWSB and dedicated it to me (which I still watch and cry over). I got to see Miley Cyrus and One Direction live in concert. I went to A LOT of concerts. I became very close with my sisterinlaw and I consider her one of my best friends. I also got closer with my brother whom I love dearly. I only self harmed once this year which is incredible. I went on two amazing vacations and have the best memories. Equal Squeeze concerts, Equal Squeeze members, Equal Squeeze. So even though I feel shitty about it, I have to admit, I had a pretty good year.